I’m A Complicated Person

Currently, I am going to university as a full-time student and working three jobs. I have no single day completely off with time for just myself. I finally got my eyebrows done yesterday, after almost a month.

Before I signed up for my third job, and while on winter break … I found myself bored out of my mind. Time was dragging. I could only binge so many Netflix shows, read so many books, do so much coloring before I got insanely bored and lost my mind. I would whine every hour to my boyfriend (sorry babe), complaining about how bored I was.

Now I’m over my head, trying to save up some money and I am crazy busy. I want to ditch work and just quit, but that’s just not going to happen.

I’ve been told there’s no pleasing me because I either complain I’m too busy or I whine about being bored out of my mind. There doesn’t seem to be a balance for me. What can I say? I’m a complicated person.

And this topic just touches the surface of how complicated I am….oh well.


I Haven’t Gotten My Nails Done In Forever

Nails done. Hair done. Everything did. – No. I haven’t gotten my hair done in weeks, my nails are chipped, and I’m looking more like chewbaca since I don’t even remember the last time I got my eyebrows done.

I’ve let go of myself. It has been over two weeks since I’ve worked out and kept to a health eating regime.

I feel shitty. But I think I have forgiven myself, on the belief that once I get the chance to fix everything up, I will. However, is that right? Is it right that I have to forgive myself for not looking so polished?

I can understand the gym and food because that concerns my health. But should I really feel bad that my nails are chipped? My hair is frizzy beyond compare. Do I have to always look so great? Why do women feel they have to do all the above just to look like a human? I joke about it all the time, “don’t judge me if I don’t look like a human today”. It really shouldn’t come to the point where I should fear someone judging me.

Recently, I’ve noticed, I really don’t care as much. I’m okay with not having my hair done and my nails done. The eyebrows….not so much. But that’s personal to me. Do what works for you. Just be comfortable with yourself and don’t worry about becoming a different person for someone else.

If you wanna feel nice and clean with a blowout and a fresh manicure, so be it girl! Get it done and be fancy! If you wanna bum it out. Go right ahead, join me on my couch with Netflix ūüôā

Offer ends today though, I wanna do my makeup up and dress up for tomorrow!

A whole life of education, but I’m still missing knowledge

Ever since I was 3, the one constant routine I can think of is waking up for school, coming home to homework, and then repeat for the next day. Suddenly, I’m 22 and about to graduate university. 

And I realize I’m missing a whole chunk of essential knowledge. No, it’s not the biology, English, or social studies. 

It’s the basics. The pure basics. Life lessons. Not morals of stories, but the necessities of life. I’m out on my own two feet, into the real world soon. And I have got absolutely no clue about maintaining and building my credit score. Health insurance for when I’m 26…what’s right for me? What am I entitled to? What rights should I not be cheated out of? 

What about managing my money? Doing my taxes? Getting loans for a car or a mortgage? How about 401Ks? Investing in stocks? Pension plans? Life insurance? What’s the right company for me? The right plan? 

I know nada. Is it just me? Today, you have so many ways of learning information, but at  the same time, we have access to institutions or technologies that do it for you. Why learn about your money when you can just have a computer ask you some questions and file your taxes for you? 

Thanks for fighting with me

Growing up, I hated despised arguments and all other types of conflict involving myself. To a certain degree, I still do. I mean, who really actually likes to dish it out with someone from the moment you wake up throughout the rest of the day?

I still don’t like arguing with my boyfriend or my parents or my friends, but over the past couple years, I’ve learned that it is okay sometimes. Sometimes, an argument is needed so that both sides are spoken out and all the cards are laid out on the table. Once all this is out, the problem is solved, and things are even better than they were previously.

Today, not too long ago. Within the past hour actually. I had an argument with a friend. However, this wasn’t the first argument in a long time. We recently had one a couple of months ago. And honestly, I walked out of the last argument thinking I should not have forgiven her so easily.

Turns out I was right. Another argument today. Oh and she’s blocking my number, you know because we’re back in middle school. But that is beside the point.

Looking back, conflicts help us realize who we have been dealing with this whole time. In an argument, the good, the bad, and the ugly comes out. You learn about who you were before the argument and after a while, you find out who you’ve grown into.

Through all my conflicts I have become more sure of myself. I know what I stand for and I know why I stand for it. I know how to listen to someone, but make sure my voice is heard as well.

So thanks my childhood friend. You’ve somehow managed to make me more confident in myself with our recent argument. You’ve also somehow managed to break my writers block.

From the bottom of my heart,

Thank you. ūüėČ



When you’re said to be vulnerable, you’re automatically put at a disadvantage. It says it right there; you’re susceptible to harm, physical or emotional.

But is being vulnerable such a negative thing? I don’t know. I think being vulnerable has its benefits. Only when you open yourself up to someone, only when you put yourself in a position of possibly being hurt by another being can you find out more about yourself. Once you are actually hurt by anothe person, you are given the chance to work on yourself. Figure out what happened and where things went wrong. When you allow yourself to be true to someone by opening up, ¬†you can pave the path to something beautiful. Even if it all goes to sh*t, somehow, in the end, you will find yourself as a better person than who you began as.

A Letter of Gratitude To My Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

It’s funny that I write this letter here, because chances are you will never see it. But that is part of the reason why I wanted to write it on here. I wanted to get out some things, but at the same time I couldn’t picture myself saying this to your faces without crying.

While working as a babysitter, I get a little glimpse of parenthood and oh boy, was that a rude awakening on some days. I have seen and experienced some of the things you guys have gone through in the past two decades and change. Growing up in America, I have seen many different children from different cultures and traditions. Everyone was raised (at least a little) differently. However, I could not picture myself being raised by anyone other than you two.

Kudos to you two. You two came to a new, less conservative country to raise a daughter and build a life. You left what was known and familiar to give our family the best life possible. I say kudos mainly because you struggled to find the balance between traditional guidelines and the more modern lifestyle here in America.

Today, I have brown parents who are proud of me. They haven’t pushed me into a career that I did not choose for myself. (Although I did give them a heart attack every time I changed my mind) You two have been supportive of me through everything, through friend drama in my teenage years. When I started drinking and partying, you two put your trust in me and somehow knew the right balance of when to say yes and when to say no. I’m pretty sure I gave my father a heart attack when I said I have a boyfriend. But both of you were supportive, granted I understood the scrutiny you two were under and still are under. I understand that you two do not want me to get hurt in any way and don’t want people talking badly about me, saying I wasn’t raised right or I rebelled into a horrible person.

You both taught me values that, it’s sad to say, but many of the people my age do not even understand. You taught me to be independent, while knowing when to lean on someone’s shoulder for support. You taught me to budget my money while maintaining my accounts (although there are times when I splurge a liittlleee too much on ColourPop or clothes, whhoops). I’ve learned to be confident in who I am and approach the world as myself, without hiding any flaws or being ashamed of any aspect of myself.

Thanks to you two, I became the person I am today. I have my fun, but I stay safe and responsible. I nerd out and love to learn, but also know when to take a break and enjoy life. I know how to show compassion and care for others, but make sure to prioritize my needs as well. I know how to stand on my own two feet, if the need be.

I am infinitely and extremely grateful to you both, mom and dad. You two have struggled to raise a daughter while balancing two worlds, fighting off scrutiny and criticism from more traditional families. You two have given me so much more than I could have ever asked for, however, does that stop me from asking for more? nope. But regardless, I am aware of all that I have received and I am eternally thankful.

I love you both more than I could ever express in words, hugs, kisses, or tears.

Thank you,

Your always little, baby girl.

Stepping Into Unknown Territory

Since the last time I posted here, a lot of things have altered in my life. I couldn’t bore you with all the details, but to sum it up each change and all the changes collectively, have placed me in¬†unknown territory… DUN. DUNN. DDDUUUNNNN.¬†

f*** me, right? Everyone loves to be in a place where they don’t know where they are, where they’re headed, how they maneuver through the place, and overall you just aren’t too sure about the decisions you make. Can you imagine how excited I am? -_-

I have cut relationships, I’ve made new relationships, personal beliefs have changed, and I made a decision that alters my career just a bit, all putting my feet into a place where I don’t know what is what, where the bumps and mountains are; I’m just finding my way as I’m walking along (and by walking I mean tumbling at times, running at times, crawling, etc.).

But today, it hit me and I realized, so what? so what if I don’t know¬†exactly¬†where I’m going? I am surrounded by some amazing people who always have my back. I, myself, am a strong, competent, and intelligent woman.

So it is okay… It’s okay that I’m dating a new person and sometimes don’t know what to do, it’s okay that I’ve made new friends who are different from the ones I usually have, but not any less amazing, it’s okay that I’ve taken a gap year, a year of uncertainty that can change my life in so many ways.

It is okay that I’m in unknown territory. It is perfectly, okay.¬†